Weight loss journey begins (again!)

March 1st, 2012

I’ve struggled with being overweight my entire life.  Yes, entire.  I was one of the “cute chubby” babies that never outgrew the chubby part.  When I was in 4th grade, for part of the President’s Council on Fitness, the elementary school I attended weighed all the kids.  I was one of two kids who weighed the most in my grade and everyone knew that due to the way they separated us.  Talk about embarrassing and devastating to a young girl’s fragile ego.  That was really the first time I can remember feeling like I was being treated differently because of my weight.  I mean, I was just a kid and although I was bigger than most of my friends, I never really thought about it, just figuring I would grow out of it or whatever.  My family certainly didn’t make a fuss about it and in fact, my mom was constantly dieting, so I don’t really know what went wrong there.  Should my mom have more of an effort with me to help me not become more overweight?  Do I blame her?  Who knows?  The fact is that by the time I really thought about it and tried, it was tough and I was lazy and not dedicated and quite frankly, enjoyed my sugar too much.

Over the years, as an adult, I had certainly attempted to lose weight in a variety of ways.  Like, all of them.  The old “eat less, exercise more” phrase seems so easy, yet it’s not.  Nor is it just a case of no willpower.  Some stuff has worked and then “life” happens and old habits come back into play.  It’s really astonishing how much of my life I’ve not lived due to being overweight.  The “average-size” person doesn’t think about whether they’re going to fit into an airline seat or be able to ride rollercoasters or if they’re going to get cattle call sounds if they’re anywhere near the beach, etc.  Woe is me, right?  No, I know it’s always been up to me.  Always.  I’ve lost chunks of weight in the past – 20 pounds here, 30 pounds there.  But it doesn’t stick.  Old habits.  New “research” suggests that maybe sugar is as addictive as crack.  Sounds funny, but I think it’s true.  I know for me, it seems that way.  One square of chocolate just isn’t as good as a whole bar.  Remember willpower?  Tell that to the drinkers, the meth addicts, the smokers – all of whom are seen as “addicted” yet fat people are seen as lazy and unable to help themselves due to gluttony.  I’m not making excuses, trying to justify or dismiss my behavior.  I know I got myself to this point and I know I need to get myself to where I want to be.

Today, I start a medically supervised program through my doctor’s office.  I was on this program last year and lost 20 pounds in two months.  And then, life happened.  I started a new job, couldn’t keep my appointments, started slipping back into old habits and not only regained the weight I lost, but added a few more for good measure.  One of the tasks when starting the program is to answer a lot of questions – why do you think you are overweight?, why do you want to lose weight?, what is your activity level?, what medical conditions do you have?, etc.  Overall, I’ve been relatively healthy my whole life (no diabetes, no high blood pressure, good cholesterol, etc.) and I’ve been very grateful for that, but as time presses on, those things might change and I want to be ahead of that curve, not behind.  I’m going to use some apps to help track my progress as well and will be posting occasionally to my Twitter feed.  At this point, I’m not sure how “interactive” I’m going to make this journey, but I do know that the journey begins today.

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